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   In this fast pace and changing world, it is important to remember that the time you spend with your children will determine the relationship you will have with them when they grow older. But simply spending time is not enough – more should be done?

    Today, it is my belief that the majority parents try their very best to be involved in the lives of their children. Whether it is taking them to soccer practice at Montcalm Park, or skating lessons in the Chomedey Arena, parents are continuously on the move - running from this place to that place and feeling quite exhausted. When you think about it, is this actually spending time with your kids? Is everyone having fun and enjoying themselves or is this more of a stressful experience?

    Ever since I became a parent over twenty years ago, I have always tried to be involved in the lives of my children. As we all discover at some point, parenting is an ongoing learning experience that often results in moments when we question our actions and think about the choices. Even though we believe that the way of doing things are right or have chosen the best option, sometimes our vision is clouded by personal bias – in other words, what we think is the best option, may not actually be the best course of action. Therefore, the question is - are we really doing what is best for our kids and if not, how can we do better?

    Accepting the premise that each one of us has a general idea of what “good parenting” is all about and that we are always open to improvement - I present the following list of 12 important guidelines for your consideration. After reading this list, I invite you to start implementing some or all of these ideas as a way to enrich the relationship you have with your children. Consider these simple suggestions and helpful ways as opportunities to enjoy those special moments together, as they gradually mature into respectable and responsible members of the our community.

A good parent ……..

Listens to what children have to say.

Ex. If there is some difficulty setting a bedtime or any fix period, invite the child to suggest a possible and realistic solution. Work together.

Tries to be more aware that children have feelings and avoid insensitivity. 

Ex. Should your child be upset about a situation, ask questions and listen to what they have to say – be sensitive to their feelings.

Provides children with the meaning and opportunities to be responsible. 

Ex. Provide your child with a task where they can learn to be helpful and responsible – cleaning their own room or help with a household chore.

Encourages children to learn from the consequences of their actions.

Ex. Whenever you invite your child to undertake a task, they should experience whatever arises from their efforts (good or bad).

Shares experiences rather than dominate them – participate together. 

Ex. When involved in a family activity, all participants should equally share in the experience – one person should not dominate the situation.

Shows confidence in their children.

Ex. Regardless of the achievement, children benefit from parental confidence.

Respects the choices of a child.

Ex. If a child does not like a particular food, what would an alternative food is possible. Force only leads to confrontation.

Encourages children to be creative and discover their talents.

Ex. Support activities that a child enjoys and can expand their creative skills
    

Discourages negative competitiveness.

Ex. Activities that emphasizes that one child is “better” or “more  important” are not helpful to building healthy social relationships.

Empowers children to reach for their dreams and emphasize that many things  are possible. 

Ex. Teaching your children that many things are possible provides a sense of the variety of life and that enjoyment can be found in different opportunities.

Teach children to be respectful of the choices of others.

Ex. Look for opportunities to educate children that even if one doesn’t agree with the choice of an other person, it should be respected and appreciated.

Encourage children to be empathic toward all living things.

Ex. Children must be taught to experience how other things must feel – that there is another side to the way things are.

    All in all, the bottom line is that good parenting begins with you and within your home. Never forget that you are the most important source for guiding how your children will grow up. It is a great responsibility which will become more evident as your children get older. Keep in mind, that these young impressionable minds watch every move that you make – every word you utter and each time you raise or don’t raise your hand. If you want the best for your kids and we all do, then it’s up to you to be very conscious of the role you play in their lives.

    Good parenting begins with dedication, resourcefulness and most of all – patience. In the end, the goal of your efforts are to help your children become all they can be and contribute to making the world a better place. You might say that this is the most important life task you will ever undertake.


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